Showing posts with label eye opening experiences. Show all posts
Showing posts with label eye opening experiences. Show all posts

Saturday, October 18, 2008

[untitled.]

she makes me want to pluck the sun out of the sky
have it gift wrapped
with a big frilly bow
and left on her doorstep
in honor
in hope that she'll love me back.

she makes me think
I should climb a mountain
and I could
and would
just to get her a drink
of the clearest water
she's ever had
touch her lips

yeah it's that bad.

it's because she makes me soar
on the days
[especially the days]
when my heart,
and head
can't take anymore.

it's because she can finish a sentence
I haven't even started yet.

it's because even when we
shudder and quake
shiver and break
when we've taken all we can take,
our hearts and minds
combined
rip up dictionaries,
throw the pieces to the floor,
and roll around
until the right words stick
and just as quickly as we shattered,
all the things that mattered in the first place
are back in their place
and we are whole
and holy.

and what do I do when a girl
who makes me this happy
falls into my lap and says
"see?"

and suddenly makes me see.

for the first time, I see.

I see the beauty of sun rays
pouring through my window, like a gift.
curtains there to block out the sun,
but still the light finds little places
to slip through
and I'm amazed
at how the patterns undo
me.

I see the
bluest blue sky
and it reminds me of the times
when she held me
with words
like security blankets
until I made it through
to the other side
where she was waiting
with her whole heart
held out
mine for the taking..

and I see that we can never be
except during all the hours, days, weeks,
when we are.
who knew arms could reach this far
because if you ask me,
I'll tell you
yes.

I feel her skin against mine
our heartbeats beating
not in time
but in harmony.
filling in the spots where the other gets weak
because it's a love that doesn't speak
but sings
and reminds you of your favourite song
when you were seven

the one that gets into
the empty parts of your soul
and makes you want to dance
how you dance
when no one is watching..

Saturday, June 28, 2008

what is, was, and can never be.


you're dirty.

fingers caked with
fish and worm guts
pizza flour
honeysuckle
pot and tobacco
dust from
the dozens of rocks
we crushed

designs
etched out
with fingertips

charcoal
smeared across
my legs
arms
breast

handprint
around your throat
while your eyes
burn green
or are they blue?

treehugger.
wrapped around the fallen trunk
while I run my fingers
through the impossible
softness
of your mohawk.

2 years later and I still can't resist
the memories
my fingertips ache to make

we negotiate and dance
around what was
what is
what isn't
and it's all
okay.

you do splits in my kitchen
you put ink under the top layer of my skin
[to replace yourself]
we watch diving birds
you know that even if there isn't
a hair
or bug
on my back,
to rub my skin anyway
because sometimes it can't be seen.

we flow like the river
we rise like the tide
you promise to take the doors
off the jeep
because you know I like to ride
with my feet outside
air the only thing I don't mind
touching my feet.

the faerytale, ended.
the revolution begun
I can still taste
the smell of you
on my
tongue

I'm not on fire
but the ashes come anyway
and I'm reborn
as the river washes them away
along with the rock dust we
left behind

Monday, June 11, 2007

small doses


i'm opening my eyes again for the first time in just over a year.. getting used to seeing the world outside of the one we had together..

relearning beauty and comfort and trying to grasp those last strands of ME in my fingertips before they're blown away with the wake of your passing through.

and you don't know that i'm starting to let go. and i have to say it aloud to myself before i can practice it.

but i have to do it for me. i have to be okay with me. i have to remember to still try to let the next one in and hope that i heal without creating scar tissue that holds this world out..

'..The food that I'm eating
Is suddenly tasteless
I know I'm alone now
I know what it tastes like
So break me to small parts
Let go in small doses
But spare some for spare parts
There might be some good ones..'

[regina spektor - 'ode to divorce']